The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

October 29, 2020 - 2 minutes read

By Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

While watching a webinar, I learned of the research and the strategies suggested in this book written by Dr. Siegel and Dr. Payne Bryson. The webinar presenter discussed the importance of the four S’s when forming secure attachments. Intrigued, I read the book to learn more about the four S’s. The four S’s are safety, seen, soothed, and secure. The authors call this “showing up” and describe each of these S’s in detail providing detailed descriptions, many examples, and reflections for parents or caregivers. It is interesting to see how the four S’s build upon and are intertwined with each other.

Throughout the book, the authors remind the reader about the impact of our own childhoods and the types of attachments we formed. No judgement is passed on how we grew up, rather the authors stress the importance of recognizing the form of attachment and looking at ways to build upon it and provide opportunities for the children we live with or provide care for to develop secure attachments. Using opportunities for reflection and learning new strategies the authors provide a resource for people looking for more information within this book.

Chapters in the book include:

Chapter 1: What it Means to Show Up

Chapter 2: Why Do Some Parents Show Up, While Others Don’t? An Introduction to Attachment Science

Chapter 3: Beyond Helmets and Kneepads: Helping Your Child Feel SAFE

Chapter 4: The Value of Being Known: Helping Your Child Feel Know: Helping Your Kids Feel SEEN

Chapter 5: Presence Joins Us as Part of a Calming Whole: Helping Your Kids Feel SOOTHED

Chapter 6: Putting All the S’s Together: Helping Your Kids Feel SECURE

Conclusion: From the Playground to the Dorm Room: A Look into the Future

The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired provides families and caregivers with research and strategies in learning how to provide opportunities and responses to children that will help to develop secure attachments.

Reviewed by: Jodi Knapp

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